Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
