Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
