Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
love makes seman taste better
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
