just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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