:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
