i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Boobs speak an international language.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
