Your face is a jimmy john
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
