Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
its liver damage thursday
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
