I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
