I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
the raccoons are back...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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