fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
