Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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