Where did you get a picture of my penis
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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