mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
