You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wish you could order shots online.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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