apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If its not for food we ain't going out.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
