i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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