I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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