There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
