he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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