he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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