How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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