im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
