There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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