dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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