i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
