How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize