You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
