It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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