I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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