Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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