even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
