Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
