shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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