ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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