WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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