I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize