not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
