Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
