i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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