i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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