put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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