win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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