I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
