I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
