Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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