And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
