new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
