i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
