People in love make me want to vomit
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
