Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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