I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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