I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
