i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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