i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
