did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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