dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
