Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize