You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
