You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
