thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
