I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
how does that bad decision feel?
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