If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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