True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize