i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
