She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
