i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize