So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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