Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Randomize
