4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
