Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
