fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
