Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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