my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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